“Are you okay?!”,their fading voices scream. You don’t know if you’re okay. You nod your head yes anyway. Is it ‘okay’ that you’re struggling for breath? Is it ‘okay’ that you can’t walk in straight lines? It’s almost as if you’ve had too much to drink. Yet, your throat is parched. You need to sit down and you feel heat diffuse from your feet and palms to the rest of you. You can’t see. They’re blurring out. You can’t hear, it’s all so muffled. Most of all, you can’t think.
You want to scream. Your screams are reduced to tears. Tears, not because you’re sad. Tears and you don’t know why.
They still scream, “are you okay?” and you still nod your head yes. You’d rather they not ask.
Your legs don’t stay put and your fingers, you’re unable to control. They’re shivering along with the rest of your body.
Upon your shoulders are a thousand bricks and pebbles in your throat.
Your heart beats faster as you gasp for life. You think it will stop. The beating of your heart, I mean. You might hope for it a little too.
It happens one day. You think it’s alright, it’ll pass. But then it happens again. And again. And again.
Every month, every week and soon enough, every day. It refuses to leave. You begin to think it’s a part of you,which it most definitely is not. You wake up the next morning,you think it will happen again and it scares you so much that you wish you didn’t wake up.
Every minute you breathe you wonder if you’ll be unable to breathe the next.
They’re still asking if you’re okay.
You nod your head yes.
You know you’re probably not ‘okay’.
You know it’s okay to not be okay.
–I’ve put this up since I know a whole lot of you probably go though the same. I wanted to let you know you aren’t alone. Also, if you’ve ever felt this way always speak with someone. If you have no one to talk to, you can always talk to me. I will listen. Don’t give up on yourself. There’s always a little happiness inside of everyone even if your sadness overpowers it. You can always fight it off. (: –