On selling her body

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“They’re hot, they’re sexy.

They’re women but they aren’t real humans.

And so, if they don’t respect themselves, why must I?

I’ll tell them how I like it, pay them and leave.

I won’t ask how their day was or what their favourite colour is.

They’re just sex figures, they aren’t real people.

They do it for a living and that’s a shame.

They have no story, so let’s call them names.

My needs come first- once her body is sold, it is mine.

Yes, girls are precious, women are diamonds and their bodies- temples.

But she is a whore, one who deserves to be loved by none.

She is a whore, one who deserves to love none.”

 Yours truly,

A hypocrite.

Tell me your story

The amount of support I’ve been receiving is incredible! I’m so thankful to everyone who has been supportive.

My next post is going to be about YOU, where I will be sharing your experiences. If you would like to be a part of this, answer the questions given in the link below. Lets show the people of the world that they aren’t alone, that they aren’t the only ones going through a rough patch. 🙂

LINK https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1Cg7VshNAtQwJYbZSe-pBlRwS5o0Rj_0rQpW8_XQRkL4/viewform?edit_requested=true

On fighting anxiety

In my blog post in the month of April, I wrote about how it felt to have panic attacks. I let it consume me for about 10 months until I finally put my foot down and decided to fight back. Although it took place on a daily basis, I knew it didn’t define me. One day, I woke up and decided that I had to work towards my betterment. I haven’t had a panic attack for about 4 months.

Here are some things I followed-

   1. Get enough sleep 

  Sometimes, that’s all you need- sleep. That’s something most people don’t realise. A  good night’s rest is essential in order to work effectively the next day. Make sure to get 7 hours of sleep at the least. Act meticulously and establish a regular bedtime in order to be consistent with the number of hours you sleep. Before you hit the sack, avoid chocolate, coffee and other such caffeinated products in order to dodge insomnia. Stay away from any sort of gadget too!

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  2. Keep your tummy happy! 

Right from breakfast to dinner, eat it all. Eat enough to satisfy your stomach. Having anxiety/depression can either make you want to gulp down your whole kitchen or restrict you from eating anything at all. Don’t skip any of your meals. Eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Balance out your intake of food in order to avoid overeating. Try as hard as possible to eat healthy! Foods such as turkey, ham and other high protein items have the potential to trigger panic attacks.

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3. Say NO to caffeine 

The hardest yet the most effective. Every time you’re served coffee, alcohol, and other caffeinated beverage, shake your head no. Caffeine increases stress hormones, leads to restlessness and therefore, increases anxiety. As tempting as it may seem, gather up all your courage and lay off caffeine!

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4. Excercise 

No, this isn’t a weight loss article. However, personally, this really did have an impact on me. Playing a sport, jogging or even brisk walking can help one with a large number of issues. It keeps one fit, mentally as well as physically. Try incorporating at least a half an hour jog, walk or any sort of physical activity into your daily routine.

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5. Don’t quit what you love doing 

Having anxiety/depression can cause you to withdraw from practising what you love doing the most. It has the power to fool you into believing you aren’t ‘good enough’. However, there is no such thing. Don’t give it that power, remember- you’re the boss here! You’re an artist? So paint! Paint till the bristles of your brush fall off! You’re a singer? Siiing till your throat hurts! Do not quit.

6. Talk to someone

This alone is therapy.  No, you aren’t burdening anyone and NO, your sadness or anxiety is not contagious. Don’t be afraid to confide in anyone. Talking it out and expressing yourself holds tremendous importance.

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Have you fought anxiety or depression? Are you still fighting it? Tell me your story at – trishk9@gmail.com or message me on instagram/ facebook – https://www.instagram.com/trisha.kini/  https://www.facebook.com/trisha.kini  Let the people of the world know that they aren’t alone. Watch out for my next post where I will feature your experiences. 🙂

Until next time, bye-bye!

School=Education?

Every morning as I shut all the 5 alarms I had set, I wondered why I even had to get myself out of bed to make it to school and learn all the subjects that were the primary causes of my headaches.

Was learning the refractive index of air and water that important? How would learning the properties of perpendicular lines help me in the long run? Of course, now I can’t get myself to remember most concepts I learnt at school. School, which seemed like a decade ago.  School, which I couldn’t wait to get myself out of. (what was I thinking?)

I don’t remember what felt so important at the time- my grades. However, I do remember waking up every morning and hating it, getting ready in 10 minutes and rushing myself to the bus stop, fighting for the window seat every morning as if my life depended on it and asking ‘driver uncle’ to turn up the radio so I could stick my head out of the window and act like I’m a Bollywood actress. It was the best start anyone could have to a day. (except the kids at the back who knew exactly how to annoy me)

The real task was exiting the bus. One, because all the students rushed out of it together or rather tried to. Second, because we had reached school where I would be reminded of all my incomplete homework, hoping no one else did it. I would rush to my classroom and friends, where all my favourite conversations took place. Being made to stand in a class for laughing your head off with your friends is not something to regret for sure. My ‘squad’ and I were the funniest together and all of them were an equal pain in the ass. Every punishment we got was a moment to cherish. Every fight we had, every inside joke, I’ll always remember for I don’t know if I’ll find friends like these. (they’re weird) They gave me the most comforting shoulders to cry on and the best arms to slap when I got excited.

You’ll meet a LOT of people after school but the friends you make at school will always hold a special place in your heart, whether you’ve stayed in touch or not. They’re the ones you’ll remember forever albeit your whole life being ahead of you.

School, where I discovered my passions and also found my best friend. If your best friend isn’t your favourite human then god help you.

My math classes will never fail to haunt me. My hands would sweat as I would try to find the unknown angles in triangles… in semicircles. It’s funny because I remember trying to listen in class (and failing) but I don’t remember my grades. How could you possibly forget something that felt so important, the main purpose of school? …Or was it?

I wish I could recall my grades (not really) but I know my math marks always had some incredible power to fool me into thinking the world was ending. It was only much later when I realised that getting D or even failing didn’t change a thing. If anything, it only made me stronger and maybe that’s what school is really for.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On anxiety attacks 

“Are you okay?!”,their fading voices scream. You don’t know if you’re okay. You nod your head yes anyway. Is it ‘okay’ that you’re struggling for breath? Is it ‘okay’ that you can’t walk in straight lines? It’s almost as if you’ve had too much to drink. Yet, your throat is parched. You need to sit down and you feel heat diffuse from your feet and palms to the rest of you. You can’t see. They’re blurring out. You can’t hear, it’s all so muffled. Most of all, you can’t think. 

You want to scream. Your screams are reduced to tears. Tears, not because you’re sad. Tears and you don’t know why.

They still scream, “are you okay?” and you still nod your head yes. You’d rather they not ask. 

Your legs don’t stay put and your fingers, you’re unable to control. They’re shivering along with the rest of your body. 

Upon your shoulders are a thousand bricks and pebbles in your throat. 

Your heart beats faster as you gasp for life. You think it will stop. The beating of your heart, I mean. You might hope for it a little too. 

It happens one day. You think it’s alright, it’ll pass. But then it happens again. And again. And again. 

Every month, every week and soon enough, every day. It refuses to leave. You begin to think it’s a part of you,which it most definitely is not. You wake up the next morning,you think it will happen again and it scares you so much that you wish you didn’t wake up. 

Every minute you breathe you wonder if you’ll be unable to breathe the next. 

They’re still asking if you’re okay. 

You nod your head yes. 

You know you’re probably not ‘okay’. 

You know it’s okay to not be okay. 

–I’ve put this up since I know a whole lot of you probably go though the same. I wanted to let you know you aren’t alone. Also, if you’ve ever felt this way always speak  with someone. If you have no one to talk to, you can always talk to me. I will listen. Don’t give up on yourself. There’s always a little happiness inside of everyone even if your sadness overpowers it. You can always fight it off. (: –

Kissing her scars 

What’s curious is the amount you can hate but care, hoping for the better.

They told her to love herself before she could love another. They told her to walk with her chin up and sugary eyes. They told her to be proud instead of blending with the shadows.

But how? How, when she hides from mirrors,terrified of her own reflection? How, when the sight of her own thighs, scarred with stretch marks horrifies her?

How, when she despises her sunken, tired eyes and large, dry lips? (not the kind of lips you see on the face of magazines,those seemed to be perfectly alright)

She scowled at her acne, accommodating most of her face and the obnoxious folds in her disfigured stomach.

They told her to fall in love with herself before she decided to give her all to another. They told her to shift her eyes from floors and embrace herself. If only it were as easy as it sounds.

She didn’t listen to them. She couldn’t.

She let her life revolve around his happiness and annoying, sarcastic smirks. She let herself fall head over heels in love with him although there wasn’t a part of herself that she loved.

But, he looked at her like he hadn’t seen a sight as beautiful. He ran his hands down the folds of her thigh as if he preferred nobody else’s. He read into her sunken eyes, curious about her untold stories and caressed her acne filled cheeks. He touched her dry lips like they were the softest he’s ever touched and smiled his happiest smile. He placed his lips on hers,slightly tugging at it. Never had her body felt so electric.

He pressed his palms against her breasts. Her breasts-which she despised. Her breasts-which seemed too large and most ugly.

Yet,to him she was divine.

Then they lied down hand in hand, naked bodies, naked souls and spoke of their favourite colours of the sky.

Maybe after all, she didn’t have to love herself first.